Benefits of Friendship

I guess it is just the way of the world... you think things are ok (you really think they are) and BOOOM it is the "Big Game" and your phone is blowing up with the type of messages that take all of your self control not to put your phone through the huge picture window of the living room of the friends house you are at watching said "Big Game".

I am getting a little ahead of myself.
I should explain what lead up to the messages...

PLEASE NOTE: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN BLOG-HISTORY I WILL BE POSTING VERBATIM WHAT HAS BEEN SAID. THE ONLY EDIT BEING MADE WILL BE THE REMOVAL OF NAMES AND LOCATIONS.

I got a message on Feb. 5th. On Facebook. From my Ex. The same one who was beside himself (I can only hilariously imagine) that we were no longer friends on Facebook.

He said: "i guess i was naïve in thinking that we didn't have to not be friends (including fb) just because we can't make a relationship work."

I could not believe this... I mean, 1) the umlaut. really. I don't even know the keyboard short cut for that. But also, 2) the double negative... it sounds like it was translated via babblefish.
My gut reaction: WTF. WTF? WTF! vomit omgicannotbelievethisfuckingguy. ohhhhhreally. whhhhaaaaaatanaaassshole. I couldn't wrap my head around this. AT ALL. Somewhere between un-friending him and taking my Netflix back... He realized we were no longer friends?

I replied: "I don't understand what this means...Do you want to be friends?
Because your silence on every front doesn't indicate that you do..."
I probably shouldn't have replied.
But, this message hit me somewhere. I can't pinpoint it. It wasn't brokenhearted-ness.
It was betrayal.
I felt betrayed. If some one wanted to be my friend wouldn't they have sent me more then a sentence? Wouldn't they thank me or return my gifts from the great January Ditch? Wouldn't my "friend" answer the phone when I was worried about my mom's surgery?
My REAL friends do those things... they thank. They inquire. They know.
They also know better than to work with me via Facebook for such an emotional transaction.

He said: "yeah i do want to be friends. and im not just saying facebook. i want to be your friend.
i realize that that is not exactly the simplest of avenues at this point." Gut reaction: YOU'VE GOTTA BEFUCKINGKIDDINGME. really? "simplest avenues? ugh. right. ok. because our relationship was a walk in the fucking park??

I couldn't believe this was happening.
I was convinced it was over. Every shred of any level of relationship that would have been possible... gone. Shattered. At his hand.

Well... heh, that is not gonna fly, right? I mean, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

So, I text him. And what transpires next is a 2 act play called While You Were Texting

ACT I

The scene opens on a girl, in her 20's sitting in her car, at a gas station. Having just run in and purchased a pack of cigarettes, a Rockstar (sugar-free) and 10 dollars in gas. The yellow glow of the gas station illuminates the car, where we see her bent over her phone.
FEMALE NARRATOR: "You want us to be friends?"
Girl looks around, leans head on driver's side window, stares off into highway on horizon.


The light comes up on a guy, in his late 20's, propped up with multiple pillows, under covers basking in the blue glow of a tv screen. Phone in hand, head bent in careful preparation.
MALE NARRATOR: "I guess that is not possible then."

Scene lights back up on the girl and her friends sitting around a table surrounded by empty glasses and bottles. Girl grabs her phone to check time. Looks startled. Looks around at her friends and back at her phone and types.
FEMALE NARRATOR: "Not impossible."

ACT II

Split-Scene opens up on the girl and 2 girl friends in a HUGE living room, on an L shaped couch. Football game on, loud. Surrounded by a smattering of pillows, blankets, food, plates, cans and bottles on one side. Opens up on a guy, in his late 20's, propped up with multiple pillows, under covers basking in the blue glow of a tv screen. Phone in hand, head bent in careful preparation.

--Girls' phone vibrates, she looks, and rolls her eyes.

-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.

-- Girls' phone vibrates, she looks and rolls her eyes.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat voice) "You were my best friend for over a year. And I would like to be able to have some sort of a friend ship with you."
FEMALE NARRATOR: (with an edge) "I was your girlfriend for over a year."
MALE NARRATOR: (flat)"Both of course. But we don't seem to be able to have a real relationship together without making one or the other unhappy."
FEMALE NARRATOR: (angry) "I don't know how to discuss this with you via text. I feel very strongly about how things ended with us. And it sounds like you want me to disregard that because you want to be friends."
--Girls' phone vibrates, she looks. Anger rising, shifts position away from her girl friends.
-- Girl tosses phone away from her.
-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I'm not trying to get you to disregard anything between us. I realize now that what I'm saying seems disrespectful to you, and that was not my intention."
-- Girl sees light flashing on her phone. Reaches for it.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (really fucking angry) "Then why would you say it??"
-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I don't know how you felt before."
-- Girls' phone vibrates, she looks. Rolls her eyes.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (still really fucking angry) "You broke my heart. How did you not know that?"
-- Girl walks away from friends, plugs phone into charger.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat)"That's not what I mean."

10 minutes later

Girl has phone in her hand sitting on couch. Rolls her eyes.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (irritated) "Then what did you mean?"
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I didn't know you thought my inquiry on being friends was disrespectful."
--Girls' phone vibrates. She looks. Puts phone down. Takes a deep breath
FEMALE NARRATOR: (slow even tone)"To me It is after the way things have gone."
-- Guys' phone vibrates. He looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I'm not trying to be a disturbance in your life any more that I have been. I mean to mend, and if that's not possible then I can stay away."
-- Girls phone vibrates. She looks. Defeat crosses her face, then a wave of anger.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (even tone) "We'd have to talk in person. I can't do this like this."
MALE NARRATOR: "We can do that."

FIN

There you go readers, word for word, plus my reaction to this messages I received that night.
And from here, I have pondered many outcomes. Being friends, not being friends. And if it is possible to do that after the path we have already been on.

I feel... He was never my friend during the relationship. Someone who was pretty much obligated (we were bf/gf after all) to care, and be there for me. Wasn't. He was never there in the capacity I needed.
And to be honest. I need my friends, more than I need a boyfriend (sorry boys... you will always be a second to my BFFFE and my cousin. Simple fact.) So, in reality, it would be easier for him to be my boyfriend.

So... I've been mulling over the facts.
And while doing so, my phone has been silent.
In a way, it is a relief.
In a way, it is just giving me more time to consider what to do.

I know, you're probably thinking that I want him back.
I don't. Not now.
And likely, not ever... in any capacity.