l'objet de soif

C'est une chose être désirée ; un autre être voulu.

I survived Valentines Day, mostly unscathed.
I had no Valentine. I didn't get any show of presents or flowers. In fact, I only got one Valentines Day text and it was the next day; wishing me a belated Valentines Day.
I was a little upset... I mean, what girl doesn't want something from a Secret Admirer on Valentines Day.

Then I realized the boys I've become recently involved with.... well...

I have received A LOT of physical attention.
A LOT.
It is almost safe to say that I may or may not have had more physical attention/affection in the last month than I did in the last SIX in my previous relationship.
Yeah.... That.
True. THIS was one of the wrenches bollixing up the gears of my last relationship... the TOTAL. LACK. OF. PHYSICAL. ANYTHING. (aside from my general presence in the room)

But here I am.
Enjoying the physical attentions being showered on me (don't be gross). And yet, I am unsatisfied.
I know the old adages about wanting what you don't have and also something about the grass being greener on the other side. But... is there a place, say on the fence line where you can have it?

I guess, in light of Valentine's Day... I'm questioning why these boys want me, desire me and most likely want to fuck me... but don't want to actually be with me. I mean, maybe they do. Maybe one does? Hell, maybe none of them do. I honestly, cannot tell.
This has me wondering, I am looking for too much.
From the sound of it... it sounds like I want to have my cake and eat it too.
AND... I DO.
I do think it is entirely possible to be in a relationship that has a great physical, mental and emotional connection.
I mean, most of my life I have been told I can have it all. OK, not all, but a lot of it.

I mean, I don't want to say this but we (generally speaking of women) want a Frankenstein of relationships.
HOLD ON. HEAR ME OUT.
What I am saying is we want the best of all aspects of all the great leading men (I blame this, again on my indulgence of classic literature and rom-com's).
Like... we want the bankroll and power of Chuck Bass, the quirk of John Cusack, the suave of Bogart or Clark Gable, the words of Keats, brains of Mulder.... I hope you're getting the point because if I keep going I will invent my man on the page.

But all that sensitive shit aside.
I want someone who wants me, and not just for great tits and an awesome ass... but for my wit, my humor, and my charm (heh). Someone who embraces the curves, and the brains that come with it.

Until then..... well... I don't mind being "une muse de désir"