What I Want....

I've never REALLY known what I wanted, in any aspect of my life. It changes on a whim. It changes when the wind blows. I, however, can narrow it down by what I do not want.

I dug up my concept life map I made in a college class, in it was a pro/con list of traits I desire in a partner. Surprisingly enough, I still feel the same. I mean, the list I created was very honest and very specific. It is not often I find you can still agree with a list you made 6 years ago.

In it, I detailed someone who had their own life, passions, career; who was of both sound body, mind and potentially soul. Someone who was smart without pomp, someone who was funny without slapstick, someone who understood without being judgmental. I did however neglect to include the qualities he must bring to the relationship table. Like, someone who can effectively communicate regardless of the situation. Or someone who knows better than to let silence/time resolve an issue. Someone who understands that attention and affection are very important to me--and the relationship I (we) am (are) in. I realize, maybe this is an impossible man, and maybe, just maybe, I've been searching for the impossible man.

A man so impossible, that I seem to find pieces of him in the fantastic assholes I seem to date. I catch myself "settling" for a good part instead of a great whole. (I am sooooo insightful) Men who are smart (bookishly smart), but constantly make me feel stupid. Men who refuse to talk to me, but keep me in the same room. Men who give me attention or affection but no attachment. Men who use me and retain me, but add others to the equation.

Sadly, I know what I deserve (ok, rather, think I know what I deserve). And I keep on looking for it, thinking I'll find it.

I realize now you may be telling me my problem is the fact I am looking for it.

Well, dear readers, I am looking for it because if I don't, I am convinced it wont find me. I live a life consumed by work and bills (as do many people) and cherish my time away from work and want to spend it with those (friends/significant other) who care. I don't do fake and I don't think much of flings anymore. I know you're muttering something about how when you stop looking for it, it will find me. Maybe you're right.

Maybe, I should detach myself from all potential "romantic" (and otherwise) entanglements; give myself a clean slate.

But then... I have a problem.
The crippling loneliness that will creep in on me. Because without the parade of friends and part-time lovers, I find that I am, in fact, alone.

I don't want to be alone.

Date with the "Devil"

"Better the Devil you know than the Devil you don't"

Apparently it is better to do something that you know is bad (or slightly bad) then to do something you know is inherently bad.
Well... I did something.
I went on a "date" (I don't know for sure of that is what the incident was, however, I was asked out and treated to an outing and dinner AND drinks... so that may be a date) with my ex.

I think I just felt all of you eye roll me.

Look. I have no idea what is happening. AT ALL.
In fact, I came into this with a lot of questions, apprehensions and fears. And I was left, with even more.

I have no idea if it was a good or bad idea. I have no idea what it means. I have. Quite literally. NO. Idea.

I have friends that want me to decide what I want from it.
I don't know how to decide what I want... actually I do. It would require me to write and send him a 20 questions email full of open ended questions.
Yeah.
No guy in his right mind actually wants to do that.
So, I have to decided what to do....

This is what I have done:
a) got my heart broken.
b) shelved all feelings for the boy who did the breaking
c) boxed said feelings up and did not look at them for a month
d) threw myself into dating
e) was asked to be friends with said ex by said ex
f) lost my proverbial shit
g) confronted said ex about said request
h) became an emotional mess

yeah... that pretty much sums it up.

oh wait... i) asked on "date" with ex and j) went on "date" with ex.

now... THAT sums it up.


Now, I am "Between the Devil and the deep blue sea."

Tools.... of the trade

So.
I realize that there are tools for everything... I mean, seriously, I have 30 different types of variably shaped brushes to make my face look perfect. I get it. Tools, of any trade, are important.

I am beginning to wonder if I've lost my tools for boy trapping (I realize now that I get images of a hunters cap -- a la Catcher in the Rye, camo, and an orange safety vest).
I mean, have I lost the ability? the skill? nay, the prowess?

I mean, I like to think myself quite the conversationalist. I have an extensive vocabulary and the ability to string words together in a way that makes it both interesting and pleasing to the ear. I also have a little knowledge on A LOT of things.
OH WAIT.
Boys are not impressed with such brainy matters.
Boys are impressed by T&A.
And I have some T&A.
But I tend to rely on.... Not my T&A.

I digress.
In my last entry I talked about being desired... and I am now wondering if it is all by my own hand.
In Sex and the City (SATC) Carrie talked about having x amount of tears for man.
I have starting to think we (mostly I) only have the capacity for so much love. Like, you have x amount of love that you can choose to give out and share but in the end that is all you have. I don't see love as something of infinite quantity.

So, I wonder, am I out of love?
Recently, I tried to quantify how much I have left (if any). Because when I look at boys, all I can see is potential heartbreak. Even if a relationship is out of the question. It seems like being a risk assessor. I'm seeing things like cheater, loser, user... instead of fire hazard, high blood pressure and high risk... well... I see high risk also.

I don't know what to do now... I've tried to work for love, it didn't pay well. I tried to beg love to stay, but she walked out anyway-- and didn't return the key.

l'objet de soif

C'est une chose être désirée ; un autre être voulu.

I survived Valentines Day, mostly unscathed.
I had no Valentine. I didn't get any show of presents or flowers. In fact, I only got one Valentines Day text and it was the next day; wishing me a belated Valentines Day.
I was a little upset... I mean, what girl doesn't want something from a Secret Admirer on Valentines Day.

Then I realized the boys I've become recently involved with.... well...

I have received A LOT of physical attention.
A LOT.
It is almost safe to say that I may or may not have had more physical attention/affection in the last month than I did in the last SIX in my previous relationship.
Yeah.... That.
True. THIS was one of the wrenches bollixing up the gears of my last relationship... the TOTAL. LACK. OF. PHYSICAL. ANYTHING. (aside from my general presence in the room)

But here I am.
Enjoying the physical attentions being showered on me (don't be gross). And yet, I am unsatisfied.
I know the old adages about wanting what you don't have and also something about the grass being greener on the other side. But... is there a place, say on the fence line where you can have it?

I guess, in light of Valentine's Day... I'm questioning why these boys want me, desire me and most likely want to fuck me... but don't want to actually be with me. I mean, maybe they do. Maybe one does? Hell, maybe none of them do. I honestly, cannot tell.
This has me wondering, I am looking for too much.
From the sound of it... it sounds like I want to have my cake and eat it too.
AND... I DO.
I do think it is entirely possible to be in a relationship that has a great physical, mental and emotional connection.
I mean, most of my life I have been told I can have it all. OK, not all, but a lot of it.

I mean, I don't want to say this but we (generally speaking of women) want a Frankenstein of relationships.
HOLD ON. HEAR ME OUT.
What I am saying is we want the best of all aspects of all the great leading men (I blame this, again on my indulgence of classic literature and rom-com's).
Like... we want the bankroll and power of Chuck Bass, the quirk of John Cusack, the suave of Bogart or Clark Gable, the words of Keats, brains of Mulder.... I hope you're getting the point because if I keep going I will invent my man on the page.

But all that sensitive shit aside.
I want someone who wants me, and not just for great tits and an awesome ass... but for my wit, my humor, and my charm (heh). Someone who embraces the curves, and the brains that come with it.

Until then..... well... I don't mind being "une muse de désir"

Valentines Day... is gay.

I never really liked Valentines Day (VD for the rest of the blog, for humor sake).
It has never really gone well for me.
I wont get into specifics... BUT here are are some of the more special VD moments I've had:

VD HALL OF SHAME TOP 5
1) no gift at all
2) 2 dozen roses the day after
3) bars of soap
4) Walmart Gift card
5) no gift then dumping me the day after

And sadly these top 5 have happened more than once, each. Rad, huh.

I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I am expecting like a swanky dinner, huge floral arrangements, jewelry or any things else ridiculous. This year I am expecting nothing. Seriously, nothing. I am not involved enough with anyone to justify anything more spectacular than a Snickers on VD.
Which in someways I like. I mean, with no one and no expectation just how much could really go wrong (knock on wood).
But in the same way, with no one and no expectation it is a little... depressing?
Don't answer that.

I'm breaking open a bottle of wine and some chocolate.

Don't judge.

Benefits of Friendship

I guess it is just the way of the world... you think things are ok (you really think they are) and BOOOM it is the "Big Game" and your phone is blowing up with the type of messages that take all of your self control not to put your phone through the huge picture window of the living room of the friends house you are at watching said "Big Game".

I am getting a little ahead of myself.
I should explain what lead up to the messages...

PLEASE NOTE: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN BLOG-HISTORY I WILL BE POSTING VERBATIM WHAT HAS BEEN SAID. THE ONLY EDIT BEING MADE WILL BE THE REMOVAL OF NAMES AND LOCATIONS.

I got a message on Feb. 5th. On Facebook. From my Ex. The same one who was beside himself (I can only hilariously imagine) that we were no longer friends on Facebook.

He said: "i guess i was naïve in thinking that we didn't have to not be friends (including fb) just because we can't make a relationship work."

I could not believe this... I mean, 1) the umlaut. really. I don't even know the keyboard short cut for that. But also, 2) the double negative... it sounds like it was translated via babblefish.
My gut reaction: WTF. WTF? WTF! vomit omgicannotbelievethisfuckingguy. ohhhhhreally. whhhhaaaaaatanaaassshole. I couldn't wrap my head around this. AT ALL. Somewhere between un-friending him and taking my Netflix back... He realized we were no longer friends?

I replied: "I don't understand what this means...Do you want to be friends?
Because your silence on every front doesn't indicate that you do..."
I probably shouldn't have replied.
But, this message hit me somewhere. I can't pinpoint it. It wasn't brokenhearted-ness.
It was betrayal.
I felt betrayed. If some one wanted to be my friend wouldn't they have sent me more then a sentence? Wouldn't they thank me or return my gifts from the great January Ditch? Wouldn't my "friend" answer the phone when I was worried about my mom's surgery?
My REAL friends do those things... they thank. They inquire. They know.
They also know better than to work with me via Facebook for such an emotional transaction.

He said: "yeah i do want to be friends. and im not just saying facebook. i want to be your friend.
i realize that that is not exactly the simplest of avenues at this point." Gut reaction: YOU'VE GOTTA BEFUCKINGKIDDINGME. really? "simplest avenues? ugh. right. ok. because our relationship was a walk in the fucking park??

I couldn't believe this was happening.
I was convinced it was over. Every shred of any level of relationship that would have been possible... gone. Shattered. At his hand.

Well... heh, that is not gonna fly, right? I mean, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

So, I text him. And what transpires next is a 2 act play called While You Were Texting

ACT I

The scene opens on a girl, in her 20's sitting in her car, at a gas station. Having just run in and purchased a pack of cigarettes, a Rockstar (sugar-free) and 10 dollars in gas. The yellow glow of the gas station illuminates the car, where we see her bent over her phone.
FEMALE NARRATOR: "You want us to be friends?"
Girl looks around, leans head on driver's side window, stares off into highway on horizon.


The light comes up on a guy, in his late 20's, propped up with multiple pillows, under covers basking in the blue glow of a tv screen. Phone in hand, head bent in careful preparation.
MALE NARRATOR: "I guess that is not possible then."

Scene lights back up on the girl and her friends sitting around a table surrounded by empty glasses and bottles. Girl grabs her phone to check time. Looks startled. Looks around at her friends and back at her phone and types.
FEMALE NARRATOR: "Not impossible."

ACT II

Split-Scene opens up on the girl and 2 girl friends in a HUGE living room, on an L shaped couch. Football game on, loud. Surrounded by a smattering of pillows, blankets, food, plates, cans and bottles on one side. Opens up on a guy, in his late 20's, propped up with multiple pillows, under covers basking in the blue glow of a tv screen. Phone in hand, head bent in careful preparation.

--Girls' phone vibrates, she looks, and rolls her eyes.

-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.

-- Girls' phone vibrates, she looks and rolls her eyes.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat voice) "You were my best friend for over a year. And I would like to be able to have some sort of a friend ship with you."
FEMALE NARRATOR: (with an edge) "I was your girlfriend for over a year."
MALE NARRATOR: (flat)"Both of course. But we don't seem to be able to have a real relationship together without making one or the other unhappy."
FEMALE NARRATOR: (angry) "I don't know how to discuss this with you via text. I feel very strongly about how things ended with us. And it sounds like you want me to disregard that because you want to be friends."
--Girls' phone vibrates, she looks. Anger rising, shifts position away from her girl friends.
-- Girl tosses phone away from her.
-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I'm not trying to get you to disregard anything between us. I realize now that what I'm saying seems disrespectful to you, and that was not my intention."
-- Girl sees light flashing on her phone. Reaches for it.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (really fucking angry) "Then why would you say it??"
-- Guys' phone vibrates, he looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I don't know how you felt before."
-- Girls' phone vibrates, she looks. Rolls her eyes.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (still really fucking angry) "You broke my heart. How did you not know that?"
-- Girl walks away from friends, plugs phone into charger.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat)"That's not what I mean."

10 minutes later

Girl has phone in her hand sitting on couch. Rolls her eyes.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (irritated) "Then what did you mean?"
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I didn't know you thought my inquiry on being friends was disrespectful."
--Girls' phone vibrates. She looks. Puts phone down. Takes a deep breath
FEMALE NARRATOR: (slow even tone)"To me It is after the way things have gone."
-- Guys' phone vibrates. He looks.
MALE NARRATOR: (flat) "I'm not trying to be a disturbance in your life any more that I have been. I mean to mend, and if that's not possible then I can stay away."
-- Girls phone vibrates. She looks. Defeat crosses her face, then a wave of anger.
FEMALE NARRATOR: (even tone) "We'd have to talk in person. I can't do this like this."
MALE NARRATOR: "We can do that."

FIN

There you go readers, word for word, plus my reaction to this messages I received that night.
And from here, I have pondered many outcomes. Being friends, not being friends. And if it is possible to do that after the path we have already been on.

I feel... He was never my friend during the relationship. Someone who was pretty much obligated (we were bf/gf after all) to care, and be there for me. Wasn't. He was never there in the capacity I needed.
And to be honest. I need my friends, more than I need a boyfriend (sorry boys... you will always be a second to my BFFFE and my cousin. Simple fact.) So, in reality, it would be easier for him to be my boyfriend.

So... I've been mulling over the facts.
And while doing so, my phone has been silent.
In a way, it is a relief.
In a way, it is just giving me more time to consider what to do.

I know, you're probably thinking that I want him back.
I don't. Not now.
And likely, not ever... in any capacity.

Games People Play

I like to pride myself on not being a game player... granted, I do kick some ass at Balderdash and Liebrary. But I kind of suck at Scrabble.

But I have really been thinking about this readers, and I think... I think we all play games. I mean, in relationships. Now before you launch into some "don't hate the player, hate the game" rant and take your earrings out, think about it. We all play little games, in our "romantic relationships".

There are the learning games:
The I-don't-want-to-reveal-too-much-too-soon games. Like 20 Questions... only the Relationship Version (i.e. When was your last relationship?). Or the I-am-on-my-best-behavior games. You know, where you always make sure you look your best, and your house is clean and that you untagged any embarrassing photos on facebook. But then suddenly, you get a text saying he is on his way (like parking the car) and this gives you just enough time to throw and and all clutter in the bathtub and then pull the shower curtain closed. Only to find it is still damp from the shower you just took and now your magazines are adhered to you tub floor.

There are the testing games:
You have to develop boundaries in relationships. Don't lie and be all "I want to share everything with my partner" that is total rubbish. NO, you don't. You think you do, until your "You" time is totally consumed by your partner then you no longer have time to read your trash websites, watch your trash dvds, AND do you really want them to see you pluck eyebrows and shave your legs?? NO. You do little "tests" to see what is ok, and what is not. Like, not calling or texting in your usual pattern. Or digging a little deeper into personal info (like family, not bank accounts, but that is my style). Also admit it, you have to test it in the bedroom, what is ok, and what isn't... Like you really want to find out in the beginning that the only way he will do it is missionary? or that he doesn't want to do it? (BELIEVE ME you want to find out ALL of this sooner rather than later)

So see... we all play little games, to get the footing of the relationship. I feel it is important to use these "tools" to establish the relationship. It is another thing to start using them to gain an edge on your partner or as tools for manipulation (both of which are WRONG).

In trolling one of my favorite websites I ran across a list. I liked it, only because it is the exact same set of Anti-Rules I have adopted for my new foray into relationships (or the lack there of) ALSO it hilariously ties into my latest guy mishap, which is why I am sure you are reading this.

Here is the mishap:
I was talking to (TALKING being the operative) a guy. And suddenly after 3 weeks of talking, drinking, and playing. It seems to have come to a halt (seems, because well... the talking has stopped). Now, I can reflect and see that maybe I said too much (I am a writer, I do like to communicate). But from where I am, that is the only stand out "issue" (issue, because what do you call someone that could end something that had hardly started that you may or may not have done). Granted, he could have a whole other take on this... BUT guess what... this is MY blog, and ME and MY SIDE of things (hello, "selfish-help" 101).
So, I thinking I am very clever and moderately hilarious send the following message after a few days silence-- and some additional weirdness from a friend. "We're just f*cking, right?" Can we just enjoy that for a second. The simple, brutal honesty of it. Oh, and the hilarity. So to me, the only obvious answers are A) yes B) no C) why D) wtf E) laughter.
Maybe there are more, but those are my top 5.
It has been a couple of days since this message was sent. And total silence. It is my assumption that whatever was starting to happen, is no longer happening. Which is fine. Because clearly, he doesn't get the joke-- or does, and is embarrassed about being called out on it. So, I don't need (or want him); I mean, it was, really... but I honestly want someone who gets the joke, and wont leave me in silence for a couple days (I'm sorry, that text is just to hilarious to overlook).

Now, with that out there in Internetlandia, we shall see...

Back to the rules.

AE's and Jezebels 12 Anti-Rules for Love

1. Stop trying so hard.
"Love is not a Rubik's Cube either. You can't solve its riddles by clicking the red, blue, green, yellow, etc., pieces neatly into place. You'll only get blisters on your fingers. So give yourself the heavenly permission to let love do the heavy lifting all by itself. Not only will this feel great, but it will save you a fortune in therapist and manicure fees." Thanks Jez. No, really. Stop trying? OK... before we stop shaving and forgo manicures (I don't like them, I'm a sucker for a pedi anyways). I think this means, stop trying to be what HE wants you to be... not forgo the grooming. I also think that includes faking it (yes, the O's, and the "Me too's"); if you wanna keep the fake tan, do it.

2. Stop being so cautious.
"Love is one of those human experiences where caution is overrated. If you want to be safe, go shopping at Zara with your best friend. The worst that can happen to you there is that you won't be able to resist the adorable little black dress on sale. But when it comes to love, don't expect caution to get you anywhere. Applying caution to love is like driving uphill with your emergency brake on. You might be able to keep going for a while, but eventually, you'll need to find a mechanic." Jez, you are right again (I think I will make Jez my new cohost here... unless someone else wants the job). HOWEVER... um yeah, you need to use some caution, and contraceptive. Probably both, at the same time. And, just in case you are 12, and have never been in a) love or b) a serious relationship... then lack of caution is expected. You don't know better. However, for those of us in the adult set... You can't not use caution. A broken heart makes you cautious, and more cautious with each subsequent break. You learn to not show it. You learn FROM it. But ladies, use caution. Because you never really know what kind of guy he is (during the relationship or even post-relationship... yeah... who NEEDS a stalker? NO ONE.).

3. Stop analyzing your every move.
"The more time you spend analyzing your love life, the less time you'll have left for loving. You'll give yourself a splitting headache. So save yourself the trouble and don't try to think it through. Except, of course, when you start to get that sinking feel- ing in the pit of your stomach that tells you that something is seriously wrong. If you begin to feel injured, damaged, offended, or nauseated, feel free to think yourself right out the door." I have nothing to add to this. Key words here YOUR MOVE.

4. Stop expecting your guy to act like a caveman.
"Unless, of course, you're ready to be dragged through the city streets by your hair. The great thing is that when you stop insist- ing that your guy is the direct descendant of an ape, you might end up with someone as glossy as Gossip Girl's Nate. Okay. Maybe not the actual Nate. But someone who is willing to furrow his brow, flash a smile, and chatter away just like the real one." Jez, I love you, really; I disagree. Guys will always be cavemen... Some just evolved to a more upright and less imposing forehead. They all still act in their baser instincts. They all still use monosyllables as their main form of communication. And the best ones, still crave meat. I wouldn't let this expectation go... but realize there is room for a few to evolve.

5. Stop apologizing for being strong.
"This one is worth repeating like a mantra: Stop apologizing for being strong and self-sufficient. Men worth dating are much more likely to want precisely these qualities than artificial displays of feminine neediness. There isn't much that's more pathetic than guys who need to put women down in order to convince themselves of their masculine valor. Who needs these guys?" Jez is dead on. I mean don't most guys complain that we are all universally "too needy"? And I will venture to add to this STOP APOLOGIZING when you don't mean it. I mean, I apologize for the weather, traffic, someone's bad day, and slow service at a restaurant. NONE of these things are my fault. So why be sorry? Yeah. Stop apologizing, post haste.

6. Stop being afraid to have needs and vulnerabilities.
"Being strong doesn't mean that you're Supergirl, or even Lois Lane. You have needs. You have vulnerabilities. You even have episodes of hopelessness. You have moments when you want a strong shoulder to lean on. But so does your guy. Having someone compassionate to turn to during times of breakdown is worth more than Superman's red cape. Your guy knows this as well as you do. That's why he's with you." Jez... we divide again. We all know they don't want to see us cry (any more than we want to see them). Yes we need a compassionate man... you know what you need more, a man that will listen. But also, comprehend. I need a man who will listen to my trouble, without wanting to fix it. We know you are the fixers and want for action (hehehe). But sometimes, just listening is important. SO, my division on this is I know we women are not afraid of having needs and vulnerabilities, it is more, we are afraid of you NOT meeting those needs, or our needs being too much. We are afraid of being too vulnerable and of thus, getting hurt.

7. Stop running after guys who don't want you.
"There's no point in pursuing a reluctant man. You'll only get a cramp in your side. And then your heart starts to hurt. You'll lose your confidence. You'll begin to doubt your desirability. You'll get your hair done so often that half of it falls out. Your friends start plotting an intervention. Before they get to it, it's time to stage your own. If you need to fly to Moscow to stop chasing that guy, do so. You absolutely deserve a man who meets you halfway." Jez, preach it. And I will add... don't stay with a man who doesn't want you... I did... for too long, without realizing he "just wasn't that into me." Remember, you are worth it. You are worth a man meeting you AT LEAST half way. AT. LEAST. I put so many miles on my last car because of my Ex who wouldn't meet me, or come to me... yeah. Stop. Just stop running and driving and chasing those losers who don't want you.

8. Stop looking for a guy without issues.
"Everyone has issues. And guys with some complicated ones are often more interesting than those whose main issue is choosing the right pair of loafers in the morning. Do you require your- self to be completely free of issues-completely devoid of doubts, anxieties, insecurities, uncertainties, and ambivalences? No? So I thought. Why, then, would you expect your guy to be like a newborn babe with no history or human hesitation?" Jez, dammit... you are are starting to get to me. I don't think women go out hunting for issue-less guys. I think we hunt guys without MAJOR issues (commitmentphobe? nope. not interested). It is not a lot to ask a guy to not be a sociopath, psychopath, or active drug addict. Really? I mean, I think after a certain point we realize none of us have a perfectly clean past. We all have been through things, done things... Some of which we are not proud. But everyone has their own lines in this category.

9. Stop manipulating the guy you love.
"Focus on building a complex character. Make some money. Get going with your career. Learn Italian. Take up cross-country skiing. Bake five thousand cookies. Hand them out to everyone from your boss to the cute FedEx delivery guy. If you need a project, treat your life like a work of art. Try to make a masterpiece out of it. But don't do this to the guy you're dating. Once he realizes that you've turned your relationship into a paper-mâché project, he'll resent you. A lot." See the first half of this entry about playing games... seriously, shit is not cool.

10. Stop regretting every false step you ever took.
"It's hard to get things right in love. People get hurt. You get hurt. You end up hurting your guy. No matter how much you try to protect yourself from such mishaps, they happen. They happen if you're actually loving rather than just playing house with someone you kind of like. Missing your step, and even missing your way, is part of love's reality. It forces you to reassess the path you're on. It asks you to make some modifications. This is its way of shaping your soul."Jez, you sound like a therapist. Let's re-assess this. How about... Stop beating yourself up over shit that is already done. Yeah, I like that better... ohh you left the "t" off of the text saying "righ" brush it off, you already hit send.

11. Stop thinking of loss as a pure loss.
"Keep in mind that we rarely lose valuable things without getting something in return. The payback may be slow in coming. And some- times it's hard to even recognize it as such. But if you wait long enough, even the worst loss is likely to bring a compensation. If nothing else, it purifies your character so that when the next hot guy comes along, you'll have enough charisma to magnetize him. He'll be so smitten that he'll fly you to Tahiti on a vacation for two. You'll pay for the hotel room, of course. You're not a charity case. Not you." GOD DAMMNED right Jez. Sorta. A loss is a loss is a loss. I tend to think of it as a sports team standing. Like 12-1. or something... or maybe like the racetrack 5:1. Either way... if you were not majorly committed, or in a long term relationship... then chalk it up to experience. Loss of a lover/hook-up/friends with benefits is nothing like the loss of a family member or BFFFE. You cannot replace those. However, a dick is a dick in the dark... keep that in mind sweetheart.

AND NUMBER 12:
Stop trying so hard. "There you go. These are your twelve anti-rules. They won't guarantee your everlasting happiness. They won't even guarantee a ring on your finger. And, alas, they definitely won't guarantee that Tom Welling will super-speed to your side when the going gets tough. But they'll guarantee that you will have lived. Boldly. Bravely. Audaciously. Like a true lover."

Fact. These rules don't guarantee shit. In fact. A final disclaimer. This is just my take, and my experiences or those of my friends. Judge as you will. Think what you will. But dammit... You will learn from it. And worst case scenario, this story will get ya laid... seriously, guys love disinterested, oblivious and mostly unapproachable.

Read more: http://jezebel.com/5748874/twelve-anti+rules-for-love#ixzz1ClcQNhOf