In THIS moment

So readers, here it is, 11AM on a Saturday (and I am not at work!).
In fact, I have the entire weekend off.
Just a golden, great weather 2 days all to myself.
In fact, this is the first weekend I have had off since joining the company, that didn't involve some pre-planned event and a request for the time off.
It feels almost like a reward. I mean, I work really hard at my job. I give it 100-120% every day that I am there... and if I am not there, I am thinking about being there, so really it is like 150%.

But before this luxe time off... I had been pondering the ability to stay in the moment. "Stay in the moment" has been the mantra of my BFFFE (Best Friend For F*cking Ever). And in an attempt to not EVER become the person I was in my last relationship, I am adopting it. I am stealing another persons mantra. I am sure the Guru's at St. Stacy's Temple for Wayward-Headstrong-Yet-A-Little-Lost Girls are not happy... But sometimes you have to concede to someone's better idea.

And it is hard. I mean, at a certain age and after a certain amount of experiences you start to migrate out of the moment and become caught up in the figuring/deciphering and you lose the moment. You become so worried that you forget about the moment entirely.
I mean this is a relationship sense.
Think about it.... *daydream state*

Imagine your teenage self with your first (or second or 15th) boyfriend-- note: I am assuming my readership is largely female. And if you are male and reading this, then adjust the verbage. Boyfriend becomes girlfriend. So back to the flashback...
Think back to this first relationship experience (not the one where Jimmy dumped you on the playground after 3hours because Amanda offered him her Oreos--- however, you can see the pattern that starts). And think back to how fresh everything was. And how nights with this person seemed to last forever... What you thought was making out for 15mins turned out to be an hour and a half and your mom was flashing the porch light at you for the last 20
of it. Or how somehow when this guy touched you (don't be gross) you could feel the sparks. Like the first time he held your hand, or the first time he brushed your hair behind your ear (seriously, guys, do this. it melts our icy icy hearts). All these moments we so... "perfect" partially because of the lack of comparison, OR... more likely, could be because you simply didn't know better?
You didn't know that a boy could still kiss you-- then turn around and lie to you-- and keep kissing you. You didn't know that some boys could be so emotionally stunted that what you thought was deep/brooding was really... not. Or that boys could tell you they love you, all the while, not doing anything to convey the sentiment.
NO
You learn all those things down the line, after breakup #1... and so on and so forth. You become jaded, and cynical... but also, protective of yourself. So you start looking for the signs that things are wrong... the signs you missed before (because you didn't know, or couldn't tell, OR maybe Casanova really was a fucking good liar).

Or is it, somehow in our younger days we are so influenced by the media created relationships that we expect... something fictionally amazing. I mean, for me, my early relationship ideals were created by Saved by the Bell, My So Called Life, Gilmore Girls, and Dawson's Creek. And let's face it, no boy can freeze the scene and get out of it. No real guy has the indifferent smoldering look that that Jordan Catallano did. And was there really a choice between Jess and Dean, NO Jess was waaaaaay better. And my heart may still be at war of which was a better choice Dawson or Pacey... (FYI the Dawson Leery:Asshole for Hire is retribution for all the damage he did to girls everywhere.)

Maybe it is that framework plus the retarded amount of romantic-comedies on the market that really have us set up incorrectly for a modern relationship...

Or not. I really don't know. I am sure there is a study about this somewhere, with actual results, and actual numbers. But, I wasn't looking for that. I wasn't looking for conformation of something I already knew. I know modern TV/movies have warped my idea of what love/relationships should be.
And I am ok with that.

BACK TO THE POINT:
Staying in the moment... I have made a deal with myself per my BFFFE's mantra, that I will stay in the moment.
I will not obsess over every pause, non-answer, seemingly cryptic message I get from any boy. I will merge the frame works of what KNOW, what I THINK I KNOW and what I FEEL. And use those categories to make MY best judgment of the situation.

Case in point AND perfect example:
I went out last night with a girlfriend. And for the first time in like, forever, I left my phone in her car and only brought the important stuff with me (DL, credit card and cash) with me to the bar.
Well, I missed the call of a new guy I have been seeing (yes, he has been referenced previously). I instantly felt really bad. Partially because I missed the call, but because of the time of the call (pretty much the moment we were walking away from the car). I didn't see this missed call for like 2 hours.
So, I call him back. I don't get an answer. Which, I kind of expected-- It was midnight or a bit after. It was a Friday night. He has his own life. That didn't detract from the fact that I did want him to answer the phone (even though I didn't-- my own double standard). And for a moment, I ignore all the above facts that I KNEW, and pretty much assumed he was mad (or irritated or something). So I texted (20mins later, plenty of time to return a call if you are handily by your phone) an apology for leaving my phone in my friends car and returning the call so late (it is here I realize I really do apologize WAY too much for things I don't need to.).
I didn't hear from him.
I drive home. I keep trying to will my phone to ring because I feel bad. And because I feel like I need to know if he is mad at me. It doesn't ring.
Once home (approximately 130AM) I crawl into my pj's and hop into bed... Then, I hear from him. He texted me, apologizing for missing my call and text.
This is where I realize I am a total crazy person who worries WAY WAY too much about little things that really don't matter to anyone but me.

So see... perfect example.


Anyways, back to the title... In THIS moment. Which oddly enough isn't to spectacular. I mean, it is Saturday, And I have already cleaned my room, paid my bills, put away all my laundry, watched 2 movies, ate breakfast, read all my websites.... seriously, I've done a lot since 8AM. Which lands me here, taking a break attempting to figure out how to "relax." At least, that is what people are saying I should do. Which is when I realize... I don't know how.
I mean, I keep my self in such a state of worked up frenzy that it is actually painful to relax (no really, massive headaches and muscle aches set in. It sucks.).
So, in honor of "staying in the moment" I am attempting to organize a relaxing day off.