After a weekend full of work, a little play and a little alcohol... I don't know if I have any better grip on my situation.
Blah blah blah Broken heart blah blah blah disappointed blah blah blah (insert woe is me statement).
But I did do some thinking. And, Well... Let me tell you what. I am a little flabbergasted.
Let me explain...
When I last saw my former boyfriend, I brought him Christmas presents (ok, hold your horses, I have a method to my madness); the Christmas presents for him and his parents. NOW. I brought his parents gifts because they have done NOTHING but be beyond considerate and accepting of me infiltrating their home with my strange American ways. His presents on the other hand, were more of a ... peace offering. My way of saying "I-know-it's-been-rough-but-see-things-are-ok".
And if you remember the earlier entry, I just literally grabbed my shhhh and left. I was too busy forcing my panic stricken self to remember to grab my jacket and purse that I forgot the bag of gifts. I left them there.
I know, lame...
I should have grabbed it, I should have been more aware... I should have... left it in my g.d. car. But I didn't. Why? Because I am a nice person. A well mannered person. I bought those gifts for them. The money was already spent. True to form, I did tear all the wrapping paper off in a fit of rage. And tossed all the ribbons in the paper shredder I got for Christmas. I don't know why. I can only assume that it was a my way of regaining control or my way of completely destroying evidence that something I worked so hard on suddenly was useless,and didn't matter, to the person it needed to matter to.
So why was I upset; after already undoing the presentation? Because, I wanted acknowledgment. I wanted to be thanked. I wanted that despite our situation, I am a thoughtful, sincere person who will still do nice things and will be unwavering in my good nature, despite any and almost all circumstances.
OK. THAT is a lot to ask for....
But how about a) thanks for the presents or b) hey why did you leave this bag of stuff here.
Either option would be ok.
AND according to my Emily Post book; you send a thank you acknowledgment within a week, but can take 2-3 depending on the occasion (i.e. couple leaving on a honeymoon).
This, readers, got me thinking. What other things are still P.O.W's of this break-up: hair products (dry shampoo and Aquanet), my good toothbrush, numerous ponytail holders and possibly a pair of good black underwear. And my biggest concerns, honestly are the dry shampoo and the toothbrush (I am a girl with priorities).
And admittedly, I still have a bottle of his bodywash (I know, again, lame.) It in a drawer in my vanity, it's not like it is hanging out in my shower (or, like I'm sniffing it every so often. That would just be weird).
But this brings me to another place. The place where I have a patented way of leaving boys. Granted, it has only been used a few (less than 4) times. Below are the rules and subsequently, how far I deviated from them:
1. Do NOT leave until he mentions 2 (AT LEAST) ex's. If you are 1000% sure you want to leave, mention 2 of your ex's, then see what happens. I didn't mention ANY of his (but he brought one of mine up). I should have. I dealt of the relics of his relationships past for almost the entirety of our relationship: a- notes to him kept under a ring box containing the ring he got/gave to her b- bottles of perfume belonging to an ex (or multiples, seriously, Clinique Happy, g-r-o-s-s.) c- the constant "reminder" that I "chose" my crazy stalker ex "over" him when we first met (that is an uphill battle I was never going to win, regardless of the fact that, THAT is not at all how it was).
2. Once you decide to go, say ONLY nice things about him to your friends, his friends. Say the things you KNOW they will repeat later. My friends know enough both good and bad. And they will maintain that I still think too highly of him. And for dinner on eve of this fateful night, I had dinner with a married couple he is friends with. I spoke only the highest of him, even invited him to join us, and didn't breathe a word of just what a wreck our situation was. They are his friends, he broke up with me, I maintain that it is his responsibility to relay to his friends why I am no longer around.
3. Leave things. Yes, leave things. If you have a relationship where you stay over frequently and/or live together leave things. IF YOU DO NOT: do not leave things (this makes it really creepy). Leave your hairbands, leave your travel toothbrush, leave leave that brand of mustard you love and all those leftover packets of soy sauce. Trust, he will be too lazy to get rid of them. And yes, he will think of you when he sees them. AND yes, the next round of girls will ask as well. OH, wait.... I accidentally did it.
4. If you HAVE to say something mean. Or you are totally provoked. Say the mean things with such tones of sweetness. That same one you use to tell him he looks great (when he really does) or how much you care about him. THINK: fuck you must ring like I love you. I think I was too busy feeling my heart being ripped out to really do this. I sat there like a crying mess. A pathetic crying mess.
5. Make sure the last time he sees you is in the morning. I know this is because this can haunt a man all day, OR if you are not coming back, leave him going "wtf-things-were-ok-at-breakfast". I chose evening. I guess I hope my pathetic image would haunt his sleep... or something. I don't know.
6. Leave a note. A simple one page or less note. DO NOT sign your name. ps, use nice paper, not a post-it or a scrap. Didn't do this either.
7. Once out of any shared space and into your space. Cry. Cry quietly and politely. DO NOT CRY LIKE A DYING ANIMAL. DO NOT. It wont make you feel better. You will end up hoarse. And then people will ask if you are ok... which will only bring on another round of sobs. SOOOOOOO got this one wrong too. awesome.
So you can see, reader(s). I mucked it up left and right.
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