Ok... So, I pretty much took a week off to enjoy MY BRAND NEW CAR and my friends and my family.
And in spending time with the above cohorts, I figured some more things out....
My new car helped me figure out how capable I am. I mean, I got a 2010 car (gently used) without any help. I did my own negotiations. I did my own trade in. I signed my own contract. I got a monthly payment I am comfortable with. I have not been this proud of myself in a long time. I went out, got what I wanted without any help. I mean, this is my first "big girl" purchase; and I couldn't be happier with it.
My friends helped me figure out that I am just as funny and lovable as I ever was. Even if somehow I lost sight of it. They see it. They remind me of it; by doing what friends do, laughing, joking along with me. My friends also helped me figure out that I am smart (something I had forgotten). And that my far reaching useless knowledge is both amusing and semi-important.
My family helped me figure out that nothing outlasts family. NOTHING. Nothing is more important the "blood". I'll say it here, and probably no where else, but my Ex, was not worthy of my extended family. We are a close knit group who is loud, sarcastic, and we love food (homemade, southern food). I will venture to say the Ex was a little too delicate of palate and in demeanor to "comfortably" fit in with my family.
But in all this figuring, and in all this progress (is it progress? or just re-learning?) I've made, I hit a set back...
I've been talking (I'm not sure where what we are doing fits into the schemata of dating/mating BUT this is the term I am comfortable using) someone new. Talking being the operative because it is what we do. We talk, fact, we also hang out but there is a lot of talking happening. But I'm moving away from my point.
I am talking to someone new.
And I have caught myself getting caught up in the habits of my last relationship sneaking into this one.
HOLD IT. HABITS?? WAIT A MINUTE.....
Yes, I caught myself acting like I did with my Ex. Second guessing every move I make, to call/or not. Did I say something wrong? Re-reading every message I sent to make sure I didn't say something wrong.
THAT IS INSANE.
While, this situation is new and fresh and therefore makes me incredibly nervous. It shouldn't be to the point of obsessively combing over every text I send looking for a flaw. I mean, he met me on a night when I was in "fine form" (meaning a couple of beers deep and feeling a bit sassy). I don't think he is obsessively looking for flaws in my textual contacts.
Also, I am terrified to call him.
I mean, I can't do it (unless it is to return a missed call). This is because of a litany of excuses the Ex made about not ever calling. Something about headaches, heat, and possibly brain cancer...
So here I am, entering something new, already a bit freaked out about it (only because he is sweet, charming, responsible and all around good guy-- for now, maybe he has a flaw, that I haven't found yet... but it's only been like 2 weeks) and then I have there little paper cuts (little damages left behind from a relationship) from the last guy...
THEN I get a get a text from the Ex.
UGH.
I mean, really... OK. So I took a step and de-friended him on Facebook. Not out of spite, but in realizing I don't think there is any level of relationship there anymore (not right now for sure). And after everything that went down, that's what he noticed? We are no longer FB friends??
Right. And he decided to ask about it in his weird text speak...
Well... Yeah. We are no longer FB friends... Why would we be?
To me that was a little salt in my tiny paper cuts.
I mean, really. A month post break-up you decided to talk to me. OK.
I have no interest in talking to him. I have said everything I need to say, and asked all the questions I had. Even if the answers were unsatisfactory and the discussions lead nowhere.
I moved on.
Plain and simple.
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