What am You doing? and again, "you" means "me"

I have learned one thing, a big thing, since the break up (ok, maybe I knew it before).

You can only control yourself (yet sometimes, i don't think that THAT is entirely true).

So since I can only control myself, I am putting myself first.
Now, to untrained eyes and ears, this seems very selfish. And maybe, it is. But, it might not.

See, the way relationships go... you get distorted (hear me out, before you start going all no-I-don't-change-for-any-man). At first it is little things, like, he liked the way you wore your hair that day; so you do it more often. Which, over time graduates to things like growing your hair out for him (I'm not sure why all the hair analogies), because he likes long hair. Which over even more time means you do things because he likes or doesn't like them. Like, you go to the theaters he likes, even if you would be just as happy at the g.d. dollar theater. But also, the language of the relationship changes. There aren't as many I statements. There are "we" or "he" statements.
Then again... this is just me.

So, since I got all distorted because of the he-we-us. I am sending myself to me rehab.

I am going to attempt to find myself after I pull myself out of my "relationship addiction." (yes, I am one of those who always finds herself inadvertently in a relationship)

I don't know how to do this exactly. I have never found a lot of "joy" or "pleasure" in putting myself first. But, in not doing so, I've lost sight of the things I enJOY and find pleasure in. The only way I can see around this is my makeshift multi-step (because I have no clue how many there are) program.



STEP ONE: Wash the Man, right out of your life
Once you've bared your soul to the man that has broken your heart and you have traded POW's. There is no doubt in my mind that you did what I did... Cry to your best friend, and then, most likely cry/wallow in your pillows.
What do you do now?
You wash.
You wash everything. Wash all your dirty clothes (hey, broken hearts can save the environment one full load at a time). Wash anything that he liked but you haven't worn (unless it is dry clean only), consider this like a ritual cleansing. BUT be careful. Please, in the heat of all this cleaning, do follow are care instructions. OH and check for colored items in your white, no one wants colors bleeding all over the place.

Also, wash and change your sheets. I mean, if your sleeping in crumbs (ew) and your pillows have mascara on them and your sleeping on them... ew again, AND you're not doing your skin any favors (that is another lesson all together).

Once you have all your clothes clean, dried and put away. You have new sheets on your bed.
You have to wash the man out of your hair.
This is crucial. I don't know why.
You can go the expensive route, go to a salon, and get your hair did. The level of commitment here is really flexible. Like, you could just go and get a trim, or a fab blowout, or just get highlights OR get a complete makeover.
My suggestion, is keep it subtle-ish. The phrase I use is "sexy upgrade" when I talk with the stylist. This gets their wheels turning, and you can hear their suggestions. Remember this is your hair. This is your treat to yourself. DO WHAT YOU WANT.

There is a "cost effective" (aka affordable aka cheap) way to do this. Do it yourself. NOTE I do not recommend anyone cut their own hair (except for the occasional bang trim or split end snip). I do recommend using the good shampoo (usually samples I pick up from the salon after I spend a fortune) and conditioner. I have learned the best deep conditioning treatment (aside from some masque or a salon treatment) is a layer of conditioner, and wrapping your hair in cellophane. Something about the heat (75% of body heat escapes through your head) and the conditioner and 10-15 mins make your hair suuuuuper soft.

So this is my project today... besides cleaning my boudoir.
1) all of my laundry.
2) and a hair cut @ 4

So THAT is what I am doing.

maybe I'll post a picture... or something.