Mostly waiting on work. Some major changes, work wise, are going to take place in the next month or so. New managers, and me (hopefully) getting my own store (fingers crossed).
I've been feeling stuck.
I know part of it the waiting game I've been playing for over a month now with work. First the store, then my interview at home office, then everyone quitting, then me stepping up to run the show, then finding out I didn't get the HQ job, then waiting to find out who will run the show after me, NOW waiting for the show-runner to get there and find where I am to go.
All that over a month.... I'm tired of the waiting. I've enjoyed the rush of responsibility and the challenges I've en countered. But for love of all that is sacred... I need answers.
I know this space is supposed to be about me getting over a break up.
But this is how I do it. I throw myself into work, and myself.
And, well... I've hit a wall on work. I've done my my part, except for the interview that is supposed to be next week. And, since this will be like, my 5th one with the company... pretty sure I'm going to nail it.
I've been trying to work on myself.
Which, is proving harder than I thought it would be with 90% of my focus being on work. It is also hard because I refuse to commit to things that I may have to leave or quit, like the yoga class down the street from work (why pay for a month if I may only be there 2 weeks?) or joining a gym (see above).
Instead, I've focused more on personal beauty... which, sounds really vain.
BUT, when trying to get your skin clear and glowing, because, oh I don't know, I work with people all day every day and I assume at some point they look at my face. It doesn't seem vain, it seems like a professional precaution.
I've also gone through all my make up and tossed out anything old and/or ugly (seriously, shimmery powder blue eyeshadow? wtf was I thinking). Same with perfumes (only some have super precious bottles-- those stay) and lotion/body washes (I have more soap than any woman actually needs). I also tossed anything (beauty wise) that seriously reminded me of any of my ex's. Oh you loved the Bath and Bodyworks Twilight Woods, and even had your mom buy me some for Christmas... yeah, that smell makes me wanna vomit in my mouth now. Toss it. OH you really loved that subtle chocolate/amber smell I made for myself... too bad, it's gone too.
Why I wasted time/money on smelling like various boys wanted me to is mind blowing... because those are not the smells I like to wear. I digress.
I've been cleaning out my beauty drawers, so that now I am surrounded by colors/textures/smells that I love and that well... make me look AHHMAZING.
I've also been on a hair kick... I've been growing it out (it's now past my collar bones, a HUGE feat for me and my addiction to chopping). I did a color overhaul not that long ago... and it is time for another!! I think I am going to go even more extreme with it. I love my cut (shaggy choppy long layers with heavy front shredded fringe), and I love my color (even though faded, had faded well. It's doing that subtle one color to the next that is really popular now-- so obviously I need to change it, again.). So, we will see what happens. I need more color and more vibrancy in my life/hair.
AND, as always I am trying to cultivate my creative side... only between my commitment to work and desire to sleep. I've only been able to feed it a steady desire of novels and how-to books (I pray this will help me create something amazing a little further down the road). I have multiple projects floating about in my head and notes carelessly jotted down everywhere. I just wish I had the energy to really do what I want to do (which is huge-- to me). But I don't. I barely have the energy to post here properly. Sadly. Which, I hate. This blog was a very good outlet for me to spill all the hard things I was feeling and going through.
And now it has become more of a venting outlet for work related frustration. Which is not at all what it was supposed to be.
But, I only have myself to blame for that. I mean, I quit dating. I quit trying to date.
I realized it is impossible when you're feelings are as divided as mine are. That coupled with the the total lack of energy.... leaves very little to be desired in the dating realm.
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