Not so much that I desperately fall in love with every boy I meet. But, more so, that I think that every boy I fall for could be the one.
I realize just how silly it sounds. I realize how naive it makes me. I realize how lame some of those boys were.
I think I am the feline equivalent of relationships. Cats have 9 lives... I've had 5 relationships (serious, important relationships). I am am either luckier than that... and will continue to have more... or this is the end of the line, and shall start adopting cats and become the youngest spinster known.
Relationships Road Less Traveled
JS
He was my high school "sweetheart". I deff file this under the "young and in love" umbrella, in the "i-was-new-in-town-and-knew-no-one" subcategory. I wont get into the specifics... but it was a good starter relationship. Even though we were totally different. However, I knew then that he wasn't the one I was going to marry (if I ever married). This became even more apparent after reconnecting with him AFTER graduating collage and AFTER bouncing around the western half of the country. I firmly believe if I would have stayed with him, from high school or upon reconnecting... I would be barefoot and pregnant in a trailer park in the town I went to high school in.
AR
He was my "big love- big mistake". We met in college, fell in love and got engaged (like we were supposed to, right?). I was hell bent on being some brand of noted writer-photographer-PR extraordinaire. He was going to be a rising track star-band front man- photographer-tattoo artist. Together we would have cemented our lives in some little artist community or something in Austin... taking full advantage of the artists, the music scene.... everything. This probably would have worked, and possibly we would have been happy... IF he hadn't screwed every "model" he worked with and fucked every "study partner" all while keeping me on the line and engaged to his philandering ass. Needless to say, this did not end well... and subsequently, I graduated and left the state (not entirely a coincidence).
NC
After changing states... this guy and I met. And despite some ups and downs and some... hang ups. We were happy. We survived 6months of poverty. We both worked multiple jobs. We had friends, a life, and we had each other. I could see it with him. Getting married in some hippie style mountain ceremony, and continuing our tattoo'd and pierce'd adventures. But somewhere between, the death of my dog, losing my job and finding another one in California. We slipped apart. He wanted to stay, and he was my only reason for staying. And, with no commitment from him, I didn't think that was reason enough to stay; I asked him to come with me to California, he declined. And... with that, we parted ways. I was a little heartbroken. But it wasn't because he had broken my heart... it was because I had lost my partner and my best friend.
JR
This was the worst thing ever.
It took up a year of my life... and I just block it out.
NN
This is the ex I keep referring to. I knew we were different. I mean, he is from another country for Chissake. But, in the beginning, we were so happy together. Respectful, considerate and literally could not get enough of each other. I got a passport for this guy, thinking, literally, we were going somewhere. And that's what I saw us doing. He would graduate and go on do work for the UN or some other government agency using his language and conflict management degrees... and I would go too. Either keep slinging tee's like I am now, or man up and pursue writing and photography. Or something. But, in trying to grow together, we grew apart... and then broke apart. But to be honest, I really it saw it with him. I really did think he was the proverbial "the one." I saw us happy here (in TX. But in a more urban setting), or on the west coast, or somewhere in Europe (to which I would saw screw work and I would attempt to enjoy all Euro offerings because I have never been.).
And... also, admittedly, we've been dating(?). I've mentioned this before in the Date with the Devil blog. I've been on more dates with him... and it is now, like it was in the beginning. However, I am not letting myself get swept away. I am not letting myself get swept away (again) or too starry eyed (again). But rather, just trying to enjoy the moment (advice my BFFFE has given me).
Now, again, I can feel you eye rolling me. I can feel you "tsk-tsk-tisk"-ing me.
But, in the dates and discussions he and I have had... Things feel better. Things feel different this time (yes, that is cliche, yes it is naive), and yes that is what they all say.
But, I will give this disclaimer:
NO ONE needs help navigating the good of the relationship. EVERYONE needs help navigating the bad. That is why you go to friends for advice, and subsequently paint your partner in a less than flattering light.
So yeah... Clearly, I am hopeless. and a bit of a romantic.
He was my high school "sweetheart". I deff file this under the "young and in love" umbrella, in the "i-was-new-in-town-and-knew-no-one" subcategory. I wont get into the specifics... but it was a good starter relationship. Even though we were totally different. However, I knew then that he wasn't the one I was going to marry (if I ever married). This became even more apparent after reconnecting with him AFTER graduating collage and AFTER bouncing around the western half of the country. I firmly believe if I would have stayed with him, from high school or upon reconnecting... I would be barefoot and pregnant in a trailer park in the town I went to high school in.
AR
He was my "big love- big mistake". We met in college, fell in love and got engaged (like we were supposed to, right?). I was hell bent on being some brand of noted writer-photographer-PR extraordinaire. He was going to be a rising track star-band front man- photographer-tattoo artist. Together we would have cemented our lives in some little artist community or something in Austin... taking full advantage of the artists, the music scene.... everything. This probably would have worked, and possibly we would have been happy... IF he hadn't screwed every "model" he worked with and fucked every "study partner" all while keeping me on the line and engaged to his philandering ass. Needless to say, this did not end well... and subsequently, I graduated and left the state (not entirely a coincidence).
NC
After changing states... this guy and I met. And despite some ups and downs and some... hang ups. We were happy. We survived 6months of poverty. We both worked multiple jobs. We had friends, a life, and we had each other. I could see it with him. Getting married in some hippie style mountain ceremony, and continuing our tattoo'd and pierce'd adventures. But somewhere between, the death of my dog, losing my job and finding another one in California. We slipped apart. He wanted to stay, and he was my only reason for staying. And, with no commitment from him, I didn't think that was reason enough to stay; I asked him to come with me to California, he declined. And... with that, we parted ways. I was a little heartbroken. But it wasn't because he had broken my heart... it was because I had lost my partner and my best friend.
JR
This was the worst thing ever.
It took up a year of my life... and I just block it out.
NN
This is the ex I keep referring to. I knew we were different. I mean, he is from another country for Chissake. But, in the beginning, we were so happy together. Respectful, considerate and literally could not get enough of each other. I got a passport for this guy, thinking, literally, we were going somewhere. And that's what I saw us doing. He would graduate and go on do work for the UN or some other government agency using his language and conflict management degrees... and I would go too. Either keep slinging tee's like I am now, or man up and pursue writing and photography. Or something. But, in trying to grow together, we grew apart... and then broke apart. But to be honest, I really it saw it with him. I really did think he was the proverbial "the one." I saw us happy here (in TX. But in a more urban setting), or on the west coast, or somewhere in Europe (to which I would saw screw work and I would attempt to enjoy all Euro offerings because I have never been.).
And... also, admittedly, we've been dating(?). I've mentioned this before in the Date with the Devil blog. I've been on more dates with him... and it is now, like it was in the beginning. However, I am not letting myself get swept away. I am not letting myself get swept away (again) or too starry eyed (again). But rather, just trying to enjoy the moment (advice my BFFFE has given me).
Now, again, I can feel you eye rolling me. I can feel you "tsk-tsk-tisk"-ing me.
But, in the dates and discussions he and I have had... Things feel better. Things feel different this time (yes, that is cliche, yes it is naive), and yes that is what they all say.
But, I will give this disclaimer:
NO ONE needs help navigating the good of the relationship. EVERYONE needs help navigating the bad. That is why you go to friends for advice, and subsequently paint your partner in a less than flattering light.
So yeah... Clearly, I am hopeless. and a bit of a romantic.
No comments:
Post a Comment