Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones can break some bones....

But in other cases, they can build civilizations.

I am at the airport, once again, jetting off to the west coast. This time is for work, not so much play. I'm sitting here, clicking away, getting ready the peace and quite of the plane. OH and the forced separation from the connected world (I refuse to pay for internet in-flight, ever again-- that's why I carry a stash of books and mags with me).

But I sit here mulling over hurtful words said to me a few days ago.

I should let them go, I mean, it was just a text message from an angry ex. But in all honesty, it pissed me off.

It has taken YEARS for me to learn to step up and stand up to the men in my life. And when I do, I get so verbally smacked it makes me question why do it in the first place.

Well... I do know why I do it. Because I know I deserve better... Ok, not 'deserve' but... Need. Yes, I need better than what they have given.

I do it because I am tired of being walked on. You can claim me to be a lot of things in a relationship, but un-supportive, un-forgiving and evil are not any of them.

That's why a stupid text pissed me off.

I am sure that makes me quite childish.

I mean, a) a text and b) from someone so far away.

I really should let it go.

So again, here I am in the airport.

People watching and blogging due to total lack of other amusements.

All the while my thoughts leaning towards the man I have been talking to.

I keep wondering if he is on my flight, which, I actually know he is. Then I wonder if we will sit together. Because, I really want to. Only, let's face facts, some airlines assign seats (I am using that airline). However, fate/kismet/cosmic alignment have brought us together on the same flight... soooo..... I am going to put faith in the stars and say we will be sitting in close proximity to one another.

But back to the message of sticks and stones.

I will forever be amazed by another's ability to build you up and tear you down. I mean, it has been said that there is a fine line between love and hate and both require a passion.

I guess my testament is that it is much much more terrifying to be involved in those fires than it is to just read about them.

And I will firmly believe that indifference is cruelest thing one can do to another (after an emotional affair). I mean, to remain in love with someone is one thing. To hate someone is another. But to find that place of cold-seemingly-heartless indifference is brutal. That implies that you have erased someone from your life and that all you have left is a selective memory, name, and maybe a trinket or two.

But then, in doing the latter of the 3... you have created what appears to be clear foundation to begin anew.

And who doesn't want a fresh start? Who wants to continue living on and battling the ghosts of ex's past?

ME.

The entire time I have been single I have battled my own ghosts. And I am done. I have had it. I am ready for something new.

Something fresh I can build or help build from the ground up.