But, readers, my lack of craftsmanship is not the topic here. The first is the "fits and starts."
I feel like I am always starting something, that eventually fizzles out and then I have to start again... Photography, an on going hobby/venture of mine. I pick up my camera for a bout a week a month now... When I used to have it glued to my hands. Have my interests changed? No. What I really feel is a lack of inspiration. I'm used to operating (and an artistic sense) from a place of pain/hurt/anger. And now... I have a lack of those things (not complaining), so how do I operate from a place of stability with no emotional extremes? Yeah, I have no idea either. I feel it actually shows in the work. I mean, the pictures I've taken have come out flat, dull and pretty uninteresting. Which is kinda how my life is right now... it really has the personality of a Malto-Meal . Before you add the peanut butter/brown sugar/etc.
Only recently have I been able to write.
And it is not filled with passion or rage or what-have-you, but rather delicate reflective observations from my vantage point.
Which, I can say, I have not had this level of clarity in my writing in a long time. So many times the writing has had an emotional edge and urgency to it. Now, not so much.
I take it back.
It did.
Until I head this song, Since You're Gone by The Pretty Reckless.
The lead songstress wails about not that you're gone her life has moved along. And all the "awesome" shit that has gone down since.
NOW.
I like to think that everyone who crosses your life path has done so for a reason... I mean there is a reason I still have the business card for Christina the Aura Reader... and haven't used it yet. I never really felt like people in your life were proverbial roadblocks to success... until now.
I mean, in the last 6-7 months I have had a LOT of success.
Quick recap.
MY SUCCESSES
- Trip to California to see best friend
- Interview at current company home office for major job
- Interim promotion at work for almost 3 months (april till june)
- Promotion at work (official)
- Raise at work
- Loss of 15 pounds (yay! back to college weight)
- Loss of 2-3 pant/dress sizes (back to college size)
- Point person for Q&A for work colleagues
- Gaining of friends
- Trip to see MKSA in September
Yeah... I'll agree since you've been gone my life has moved along quite nicely.
I will take a nano second to gloat.
I have no proof this amount of success is one sided. In fact, maybe his life has moved along nicely as well... maybe he has found a nice girl that meets all his needs and blah blah blah blah....
Yeah. This isn't about him.
It's about me.
NOW, maybe you're asking yourself, how you too can be this successful in your life.
The answer is I don't know.
I mean, here is what I did:
- Have a massive heart-break
- Partially heal
- Go back to said heart-breaker
- Hit emotional rock bottom
- take a vacation and have total emotional makeover due to supportive friends
- come back from vaca ready to take on the world
- find out you're in charge at work (indefinitely)
- have daily panic attacks
- be too tired-sleep-deprived-exhausted to eat
- do month long intensive Bikram yoga program that starts a bodily make over that instantly stopped all craving for fast food and sugar but brought cravings of water. just water.
- Drink gallons of water daily
- get promoted at work to where you are at stress level that eliminates sleep, and ability to eat because you don't have time or are too tired
- wake up one day and realize all your clothes are too big
TADA!!!!
NOW... I do not recommend this method, I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure this is NOT HEALTHY.
So yeah.
I'm happier than I have been in a long time and skinnier than I have been since... Oh, I don't know, 2007?!
So, in summation:
It doesn't matter what you do or don't start (or finish) things will eventually move in and out of the way for you to get the success you have worked your fucking ass of for.
Totally motivational, right?
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