I was going to ride a wave... but now... not so much

I had been drafting this blog about riding a wave and gaining strength, but now, after some tough work, heavy reading and soul searching... I'm not.

Instead. I am thinking about all the little lies past lovers have told me.

I have been told by all past lovers that they'll love me (some for forever, apparently), take care of me and never hurt me. In the end, it is an epic fail on all counts. Those little lies, no matter how truthful in the beginning are a lie in the end.

Well... readers, the joke is on them. I've been telling the biggest lie all along.

I said I love you. I've said it quite a bit. But it's a lie.

Yep. I can tell you it is a LIE. I may have felt lovingly for you, I may have esteemed you, but I sure as hell was not in love with you (thanks to retrospect).

The joke is on them.

The last LOVE I really felt, still belongs to that person. It was what I am convinced love really is; the deep deep feeling of caring and an innate sense of wanting to both care for and protect another person from themselves, the outside and from anything that could hurt them physically mentally emotionally. It is also the make no demands relationship, all you want is the best for each person with no desire to alter or change the person, but for them to be themselves just as they are (thanks Bridg).

One person was given that, they still have it.

It had been previously locked away to keep anyone from touching it. I will be damned if anyone ruins that love for me.

All the others since, have gotten some bargain bin version of my love.

Or off brand version... either way, it isn't the same. It isn't as free, it isn't as forgiving and it sure as fuck isn't as lasting.

So, boys... if I said I love you.

I lied.

Save for one boy who still has a complete hold on my heart and his initial on my thigh.