Bitter. I Am Fucking Bitter.

OK. Once again, I total neglect my following.

I apologize.

But this time... THIS time, it is because I was coming to terms with my feelings before committing them to html.

And what feelings is that?

BITTER.

This overwhelming pissed-off-ness about shit so far beyond my control. And not only that, that sneaking suspension that I haven't learned a gawddammed thing from past relationships.

I was involved with a guy... in a limited capacity, from June till October. It is only 4 months. But that 4 months was filled with a daily barrage of texts, picture messages and peppered with calls. Then, it just stopped.

Normally, I'd let it go. Just write it off as someone missing out on my awesomeness.

BUT no. NOT THIS TIME.

Over the course of 4 months, I developed feelings for this person... a growing infatuation. It was made clear to me, by him, that his feelings were similar.

And then... October hit, and all his communication halted.

I figured it was because we both have been insanely busy with our jobs, I also figured it could have been something like else.

As it turns out, part of it was work, another was a family affair, the over-whelming part: "It is hard to let myself get close to someone who is 7 hours away"

I just want to say:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??! You knew this when we met.

You knew this the entire time you were talking to me?

Why are you surprised? Why are you backing out?!!

YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING JOKING.

Now that I have that out of my system.

I have been holding that in for weeks.

I can’t bring myself to talk to him again. I can stare at my phone all I want and try to will it to show a message… but it wont work. So, I don’t bother trying to talk to him.

I mean, his kiss-off… honestly, made me feel like shit. And that like I am too “inconvenient” (my word, not his).

What really gets me, is… what level of damage prompts a guy to say that shit? I mean, I appreciate the honesty…. It doesn’t mean I like it.

This also, puts into perspective what level of bullshit that dude has been put through.

Part of me thought this was an ideal situation, we have the same job (he’s been doing it longer—and is better at it), we work for the same company (not at my branch, I’m not that kind of girl). I really thought that since we had that in common (and how we met) that this would be pretty ideal. I mean, who else will understand the insane hours and stresses that come with retail at the holidays???

But. I was wrong.

Those factors don’t matter. Nor does the fact that we had a budding relationship.

Which brings me to the point, of how I am bitter:

I am fucking over going through the ringer because of boys bullshit. Don’t get me wrong.

I get it.

Bitch broke your heart. Bitch took 4 years of your life and walked the fuck out on you.

DO NOT make me suffer for her bullshit.

I get it. Really.

We all have our baggage. We all have our issues. I know I have dated guys who are real pieces of work, who have without a doubt left their own mark on me.

Do I take those issues out on a good guy? Never intentionally. But occasionally I have when a red flag goes up. So, I am not faultless.

I just…. I thought things were different this time… and I was wrong. And that sucks.

Sucks for him, because I am FUCKING awesome.