How To "Get With" Me

I don't think it is fair to make guys figure me out... I mean seriously, we as girls expect boys (the same ones that threw dirt at us and pulled our hair) to figure us out. I think I'd have an easier time collecting Dodo feathers.

So here ya go boys (I know a few of you read this) a "road map" to me.

1. DO NOT ever (ever!) whistle at me in a bookstore. Do it once, it is a little flattering but weird. Twice is both creepy and irritating. And how you didn't see me flipping you the bird with my hand just above my ass (which is probably whistling in the first place) and decided to whistle a 3rd time... you are an idiot, and ergo, not my type.

2. DO spend time with me. It is not a joke when I say I am perfectly happy with a case of beer and the Sopranos. That sounds like a good night to me. Will it do every night? No. Will it do for most, yes!

3. DO feed me. I like to eat. I like food. This is not complicated. DO NOT however, force feed me things I do not like (i.e. tomatoes) but DO get me to try new food (i.e. Sushi, Indian).

4. DO NOT see other girls while seeing me, I do not like to share.... I assume you don't either. And if you do, you're not my type.

5. DO NOT buy me useless shit. Yes, bonus gifts are nice. Esp if it is because you are super sweet like that and feel like buying me things. I truly only expect a gift on my birthday, Valentine's Day and Christmas. Handmade gifts are best, food second and everything else third. Triple word score if you can make an entire meal (aps through dessert) for me as a gift.

6. I like my alone time, give it to me.

7. I like my quiet time, give it to me.

8. Enjoy crap movies with me.

9. Take in the occasional artistic endeavor with me. Join me on a photo trip, go with me to a museum, go with me to a weird art-house movie.

10. DO NOT be generic.

So maybe this isn't detailed. Maybe it comes across as demanding... which, it might be if you are not a creative, caring, interesting and into me.

Did you really think I would tell anyone how to "get with" me?? Is that what I do here?? NO.

Why did I even attempt this?

Because I found the list of things my Ex's have called me.

And the word DEMANDING was on there. I feel this is there the same reason all guy's Ex's generally fall into the "psycho-bitch" category (when it is entirely possible that person is not a psycho, yet possibly a bitch).

I sat back and I thought "Am I demanding?"

I generalized that I could be, at times, when I feel like my needs are not being met.

I am a "totally" demanding woman in a relationship.

I am sure my no cheating on me policy lands me in that demanding category too.

But most of this is a joke.

True, I have a few demands in a relationship... But nothing that NOT EVERY SINGLE GIRL EVER HASN'T WANTED.

Quality time. Respect. Honesty. Affection. Attention. Support. To name a few.

So, I have this to say. To the boys I've dated, you wont find another who was as laidback and as "ok" with your bad behavior as I was. Which, by now, I hope you know doesn't make it right. I like knowing that some day my name will flit across your radar when you are wondering why the hell your girlfriend/wife/partner is nagging you about something and you remember... "oh yeah, she didn't nag" and you'll remember all the names you called me in the heat of youthful dramatics that come with the territory. And you'll remember that's why I've denied your facebook requests since, ignored your emails, blocked your numbers, moved away, moved on and forgot all about you.